Dear Stephen Harper

Hey Steve!

It's us 62% of Canada! We know you you've been screening you calls and going through you mail so you only end up talking to the 38% of Canada. But, Stephen we need to talk. First you go in with a budget acting like your a majority, taking away civil servants ability to strike and taking opposition funding away. Now we understand that this might be part of your big "FASCISM WOW!" campaign but come on Stevy, you had to know that this bill wouldn't fly. Part of being in a minority government is learning to share, after all sharing is caring! So you had to know that when you didn't want to share or play nice the MP's from three different parties that 62% of us voted for would have to do something. Now we're not quite sure what you thought would happen, maybe something involving gerbils with nunchucks who knows. But for some reason you didn't except the three parties to go something you couldn't do and share, by forming a coalition. Now while unexpected, this isn't the Spanish Inquisition. Instead its some entirely new insane concepts for you SHARING, and COOPERATION! People working together for us, to make things better. But of course when faced with this you did the only logical thing a leader of a free nation would do. You declared war! Now while we commend you on your restraint from taking on Denmark over Hans Island. We cannot agree with this war on sanity you have begun. First you say your going to do everything in your legal power to stop them, well you missed your chance for that, if you had gone to war with Denmark you could have put in the war measures act. Instead you decide to declare that you will do everything in your legal power to stop this undemocratic process. Now math was never our strong suit, but when a group that makes up 62% of our interest vs. your 38%, you seem to loose that math. Now we're no doctor, but we'd say that your name was only on the ballot in your riding, in fact people vote for their MP, they have no input into who the leader of the party is unless they are a party member. So while Mr. Harper you may have gotten 38% of the vote counting your riding and card carrying members of the Conservative Party, you might be down to less than 2% of the country that voted to put you as the leader of the part and or Prime Minister. Now based on the fact your an accountant we assumed you could do this math, and you did. But, it terrified you so you and your party began a smear campaign, but as the 8th of December approached you knew you needed a way to try and stay in power a little longer so you could discredit the coalition with more lies. So you went to the Governor General's house, and over scones with clotted cream and tea, you brought up the subject of how if she suspended parliament it would well just be so swell! And somehow, it worked, we don't know what you give her, we don't know if she is now Moon Rainbow Princess of Newfoundland or what deal you cut with her was. But you got it done, she came out and said guys timeout come back January 26th. Now we don't know why you think this will help, maybe you do want to force another election, maybe you want to waste money on that. Maybe you just want to stay in power for another month, because shucks Christmas morning at 24 Sussex is the best, because there's a fancy waffle maker and a salad bar. We can't blame you we love us some waffles and waldorf. But all syrup and apple aside Mr. Harper, we can't help but wonder whats with your statements as of late. All seem to be nothing but skewing of facts, lies a spread of fear and loathing. Trying to make us all think that 62% where crazy and the people we supported are going to destroy the country. Frankly we find your attitude rather rude, and not very nice at all. We feel the need to remind you of one critical little fact. THIS IS CANADA! And in Canada we do things a certain way, we ask, we are polite, we use our words, we think we debate. We don't going around spreading slander, holding off a democratic process by claiming its not democratic. When people think there's a need to stop you and your out numbered by 24% you might be wrong. We know that's a crazy idea, but hear us out fearless leader you might NOT know best. Maybe because we gave more seats to the opposition you should listen to them. Instead you decide to become a 12 year old. That's fine, do whatever makes you happy. We could careless, we're sure other coalition governments are wondering if you have a tumor, but we aren't. Instead we're wondering why for the first time in recent memory, we have to be ashamed at the behavior of the most powerful man in the nation. We sit and watch you sling mud, well keep slinging because eventually you'll run out of mud, and you might need to run a deficit to get some more. Of course you could always borrow some from your good buddy W. as he may have some lying around, but borrowing stuff from him right now might not be the best idea. Then again was trying to start and English vs. French debate a stroke of genius or where you just having a stroke? Trying to polarize the nation by making us fight? And with this suspension of parliament you've taken away the democratic process because for all your talk it terrifies you, the realization that we don't want you driving anymore. Maybe if you had pulled over and asked for directions things would be different. Instead you have us bickering, parliament suspended, so now that you've successfully killed democracy in Canada, Stephen you've gotten rid of all the possible things that could distract us, you have our full and undivided attention. So we'll all be able to watch as you steal Christmas.

See you on January 26th!

Sincerely

Canada